Barbara’s Story
Age at diagnosis: 48 years old
Story updated: May 2010
In 2002, I quit my job due to a high stress level at the workplace. Here I was at the age of 48 with an empty nest at home, so I decided to take up quilting, something I’d always thought that I’d do much later in life.
I started by asking advice of an 80-plus-year-old lady friend at church. Her advice: “Start small; do a wall hanging.” So I made a 55-inch square wall hanging (that wasn’t small). I tried several beginners’ projects.
Near the end of 2002, I saw an attractive pattern in a quilting catalog. After the pattern came in the mail, I read the directions and couldn’t really understand them but figured once I got the fabric, cut it and started following the directions, it would flow. After all, I could make a man’s suit from a Vogue pattern. (What I didn’t realize is that quilting is different than being a seamstress.)
I decided that I wanted this quilt to be special. In February 2003, I set out to a quilt shop, 50 miles away. The store was very busy and I must have looked really lost, because I was. I never had problems selecting fabric for an outfit; I didn’t realize I would have problems with selecting quilt fabric. I got my much-needed help.
Finally at home, I washed, pressed, and cut the fabric. I decided that the best way to get started was to be extremely organized. I got out Rubbermaid storage boxes to separate the pieces. I re-read the directions and got started. There were 18.5 yards of fabric that were cut to sew into 284 blocks and 80 different “kinds” of blocks.
I was starting to feel some progress — and then I started to feel like maybe I should start getting out and exercising a little, so I started sewing in my “sweats.” (This was one of the symptoms for what was to come.)
My quilting was interrupted in April during my husband’s time of tests and removal of his gall bladder. I started feeling like I would be next up for a gall bladder surgery; I just couldn’t keep any food down (another symptom of what was to come).
But if I was working on my quilt, I didn’t seem to notice my discomfort of bloating and upset digestion system – although I was sipping one Coke a day and gaining weight! (Another symptom.)
After I took my husband home from the hospital the last day of April 2003, I went to see the doctor. She called a week later and said test results showed I had an ovarian mass (tumor) that was likely ovarian cancer.
I went within the hour to an OB/GYN, who told me I’d be very lucky to see my September birthday, let alone spend another Christmas with my family. She gave me a referral to see the gynecological oncologist.
That appointment was another two weeks away. In the meantime, I had too much time to think. I went to my sewing studio every day and looked at my quilt pieces and the lovely pattern picture. I decided that this would be one of my biggest regrets, my family and friends would grieve, there was nothing I could do for “what ifs” and “should haves”, etc.
But — if I didn’t finish this quilt to leave to my family, it would become a heap of garbage, useless to anyone else. Who would finish my quilt for me? I didn’t think I knew any other quilter well enough to ask them to finish this quilt. My husband would probably throw it out and take my stash to the Goodwill. Quilting was to keep my mind occupied and make the time go easier while I waited.
I started working on the quilt wholeheartedly. We took “one last trip” to see my family for my niece’s wedding. I returned to work on the quilt some more. I had about half of the blocks done by the time I was scheduled to see the oncologist. After arriving home from surgery, I had another two or three weeks to wait for chemo to start — and then the tiredness, achiness, and the hair loss symptoms of chemo were to be fought. I figured every day, I had to work on that quilt to get it finished. My goal was no matter what, at least one block if not an hour of piecing.
There is a symptom called “chemo brain” which seems to be a myth to some, but I suffered from it so that I couldn’t sit and read books. It was extremely difficult, but I couldn’t read a book and realize what I was reading, so it was really hard to read the difficult directions and follow through. Fortunately, I had started before chemo brain could set in, so I was already in the “flow” so I could struggle and work to finish it. I finally finished the top two days after my last chemo. I found a positive direction for my Irish and Swiss stubbornness!
I didn’t have the slightest idea what to do for the backing. I showed the top to a long arm quilter and she asked about the backing. I said, “I think I’ll get some sheeting.” She very sheepishly told me that I shouldn’t. It wouldn’t make her quilting look good; it was hard to quilt through; and it wouldn’t do my hard work, expensive fabric, and the front justice. I haven’t regretted taking that advice at all!
My biggest hurdle for selecting the backing was not just being extremely tired, but also having a terrible ache in my muscles and joints. Being allergic to the medicine for the ache didn’t help.
I had my husband drive me to the quilt shop and I took the top along. With his assistance and a parking space 15 feet from the doorway, I walked in to what looked like an insurmountable task. It wasn’t very busy — only one other customer — but it soon was busy with some very helpful staff and my husband looking for fabric for the back.
Several times I thought the floor was going to go out from underneath me, like quicksand. I had to sit in the “husband chair” several times as they brought or held up bolts. When I was about to give up, I decided that this couldn’t wait. I didn’t know if the chemo would be effective. After all, my husband made a special effort to make the 50-mile trip as my shopping buddy. Plus, the staff at the store was working so hard to find something that would be just right for the backing.
I got out of the chair for the third or fourth or fifth time and walked over to a few bolts. All of a sudden, out this bolt popped into my eyesight! It was THEE one! After over an hour of searching (it actually seemed much longer), I was pleased with the selection!
We took the fabric home. I washed it, cut it and sewed it like the quilt shop person told me to. I took it to the quilter a few days later. I asked if I could get it back so I could bind it by my birthday (three and a half weeks away). She did, but I still wonder how many quilts that were ahead of me in line were bumped out of the way for my cancer quilt. I had my quilt bound by the birthday that I wasn’t supposed to live to see.
As you can tell the date on this story, I lived to make my five-year appointment with the oncologist in July 2008, when I was declared ovarian cancer-free!
We have slept every night under that cancer quilt since I finished the binding by my birthday, September 11, in 2003. I secretly admire the backing every night and pray a prayer of thanksgiving before sleeping under my cancer quilt. I continue to quilt with the inspiration created by my “Celtic Wedding Rings” quilt by Prairie’s Edge Patchworks from Overbrook, Kansas — a.k.a. my cancer quilt.